Hello, friends. It's been a while, hasn't it? Are you wondering why I left you high and dry for over a month? Well, it's kind of a long story, but I'll see if I can whittle it down into something readable.
To start at the very beginning (which, according to Maria Von Trapp, is a very good place to start), I woke up one morning in late August and decided I didn't feel like stamping. Actually, that feeling had been growing in me for a while. But this particular morning, it felt more acute.
Let me give you a little backstory. As I've mentioned before, I came to stamping during a critical juncture. It was fall of 2006. My husband was on the campaign trail, my youngest son had recently been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, and I had left my position as an assistant professor at a local university to become a stay-at-home-mom. In the course of a few months, my life had become unrecognizable to me. Then, I discovered stamping and threw myself into it. Stamping and the online stamping community provided me with a creative outlet and a much-needed escape from the stress and worry of everyday life. I made neat things, 'met' new friends, and felt validated and encouraged by all the kind people who said nice things about my art. It was all very comfy-cozy, unlike the uncertainty that seemed to be swirling about me in the 'real' world. And so, I stayed there -- in the stamping world -- as much as I could.
I was lucky enough to have a lot of success in stamping, and was able to achieve many of the goals I set for myself like serving on the Splitcoaststamper's Dirty Dozen and doing design work for my favorite stamp manufacturers.
But then... There's a problem, I learned, with having two worlds: whenever you're in one, you can't be (or, at least, I can't be) fully there for the other. And as we know, everything is a trade-off. I am not a fast stamper. In fact, I'm not fast at much of anything, and I don't multi-task worth a darn. While my stamping life thrived, my real life became careworn. I always felt like I was playing 'catch-up' and many things were left undone.
On that August morning when I woke up and didn't feel like stamping, I took a little tour of my house and saw it through different eyes. I remembered how excited I had been to move into our home and realized that as of September, we would have lived here for 10 years. Also during September, my little guy would be turning 5 and I would be turning 40. Those are big milestones, and I wanted to give them their due. I knew I couldn't do that and keep up with my stamping commitments, so I requested and was graciously granted a month-long leave-of-absence from all of my stamping 'bosses'.
September came, and Carter had a great birthday at the lake over Labor Day weekend. A couple of weeks later, I was treated to an absolutely wonderful trip to San Francisco/Napa Valley for my 40th birthday by my marvelous husband. And to mark 10 years of keeping my family safe and warm, I intended to honor our home with a thorough cleaning and light re-furbish.
Famous last words.
What started as a little nesting project has turned into a full-blown remodel. (Yes, I know. I have issues with moderation...) New paint downstairs (including all trim and moldings, and resurfacing the ceilings where age/settling have caused cracks), new countertops and appliances in the kitchen, some new furniture and rugs, updating doorknobs, hinges, and bathroom fixtures from brass to chrome/nickel, new carpet on the staircase and upstairs, and tiling the floors of a couple of bathrooms that currently are carpeted. Phew!
If all goes according to plan -- ha! -- our remodel should be finished before Christmas. I'm really excited by this project, but as I noted above, everything is a trade-off. After a lot of soul searching, I've come to the conclusion that there's no way that I can oversee this remodel, meet my my wifely and motherly duties, and resume my design team commitments. (Just thinking about outside deadlines right now gives me the vapors! Of course, it could just be paint fumes...)
Thus, I've made the tough decision to 'retire' from the Design Team business. It wasn't an easy call, believe me. I've so enjoyed the privilege of working behind the scenes with Alma, Kim, & Emily, and my design team-mates have become some of my closest friends over the past few years. The Cat's Pajamas, My Favorite Things, Stamping Bella, Flower Soft, and GLUE remain my favorite products, and I leave them in hands vastly more capable than mine as they each are represented by some of the best designers in the industry. And because any crafting I do these days needs to be schedule-free, I'm also stepping down as a sample maker for Jen's Sketch For You To Try (Jen got the better end of that deal, what with the incomparable Leigh O'Brien taking my spot as an SFYTT Sister).
Even though I'm taking a step back from stamping, I'm not forsaking it altogether. I'll still play when I can, I'll just be doing so as an enthusiast as opposed to a 'professional.' Life is good; I've gotten my arms and mind around what it means to be the wife of a politician and the mom of a special needs kiddo, and I'm no longer feeling an identity-void due to the fact that I don't work outside the home. I'm so, so grateful to the stamping community for being there when I needed it and helping me get through a really tough time. And most likely, if you're reading this, that means I thank you, personally, for the support and encouragement you've given me over the past few years. I appreciate you more than you know.
So where does that leave this blog? Well, in my first post I said, "I think this might be a fun way to entertain myself and hopefully those friends who stumble on to it." A modest aspiration, and one I still think I might be able to pull off.
* Footnote on the title: Have you ever read the short-story 'Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?' by Joyce Carol Oates? It's positively chilling. You can find it here in full. Try to remember yourself as a fifteen-year-old girl as you read it. And if you have teenaged daughters? You might want to skip it for a few years...
It is always good to take a step back and re-evaluate where you should be the most! Talk about a remodel...goodness gracious! Actually I am a little curious about the ceiling resurfacing...what is that exactly. Our ceiling probably has not been touched in the 50 years this house has been around and the ceiling is cracked all over the place. Is that a painter doing the work or somebody else? No matter how much you create, I will always be here to see it!
Posted by: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1439091413 | October 04, 2009 at 06:53 PM
I am so glad you posted sweet Carole! I have been worried about you!! What a project you have undertaken!! I am sure that once the remodel is done you are going to LOVE it!!!
I will continue to check out your blogaroo to see your creations, whenever you feel the urge to create!!!
MWAH!!!
Posted by: Jodi | October 04, 2009 at 07:43 PM
Hi sweet Carole,
I'm so glad you posted. I wish I could give you a big hug. I think there will always be times in our lives in which we can see the paths before us, a choice and a crossroads. You have to do what's right for you and your family. I'll be here watching for your creations, the ones you do just for you and just for fun!
Hugs,
lise
Posted by: Lisa Silver (silvergirl) | October 04, 2009 at 08:43 PM
Well I know for a fact I am a better person having met you, worked with you, and being part of your stamping community and for that I am very grateful.
Kudos to you! I'll miss you, but I do know where to find you!
Posted by: Val | October 04, 2009 at 08:45 PM
So nice to hear from you! I will miss your dt work but I know how out of balance things can get. I will still be checking in to see your amazing work!
Posted by: Kerry J. | October 04, 2009 at 10:06 PM
I loved finding your blog about a year ago, and it has been a delight to see your work. I will enjoy seeing your future posts as you find time for your crafting and am happy for you that you've found the balance you've been seeking! Take care!
Posted by: Stephanie P | October 04, 2009 at 11:23 PM
Bless your heart, Carole!! I relate very much of what you've stated so eloquently, and wish you the very best!! It can be tough to make these kinds of choices, but you definitely know where your priorities are. I have you on my Reader, so I'll be able to see your posts whenever you are in the "mood" to share.
Big hugs!!
Posted by: Rose Ann | October 04, 2009 at 11:59 PM
As Rose Ann states above, Bless Your Heart! As I read this post Carole, I was totally getting every single word . . . I love crafting . . . I can never give it up; however, I love my family more. Like you, designing takes me a long time. I'm pea green with envy for those designers who can sit down and literally spew out a gorgeous card in under an hour . . . pea green I tell ya!!! My blog has been empty for quite a while due to renovations and family commitments. I have not regretted my decision to "opt out" on teams and schedules. Enjoy your "kiddos," they're grown and gone before you know it. My milestone is coming up next month . . . ouch . . . 50, I can't believe it! How did that happen so fast . . . LOL!
Posted by: Jerri Kay | October 05, 2009 at 07:38 AM
Good for you to recognize what needed to be done!! I will look forward to seeing your creations when you have time...
Take care of you and your family!
Posted by: Janine | October 05, 2009 at 09:31 AM
I've never understood how you, and so many others like you, with young families and possibly an outside job to boot, are able to keep up with all the demands on your time. So I am not surprised that something has to give; I'm so glad it's the 'catering to your stamping public' that is being set aside now, rather than your good health or family. Best wishes in whatever you do but I have one request...never lose your sense of humor. You're a stitch, or a hoot, or whatever they say now-a-days when someone can bring a laugh-out-loud result with a few well-chosen words.
Posted by: Pat Jandacek | October 05, 2009 at 11:01 AM
Wow! I come to your house on a Sunday a little over a month ago and give you a play by play of our endless renovation and then you decide to do one? Good grief girl - I'm going to keep my mouth shut next time! You know I love ya! Can't wait to see it all finished! I'll miss your almost daily creations, but please promise you'll keep posting! It's your stories and humor that keep me going sometimes! Hugs!
Posted by: Lesa | October 05, 2009 at 11:12 AM
Okay -- Here is an exercise for you:
#1 Take your right arm and wrap it around your left side.
#2 Take your left arm and wrap it around your right side.
#3 SQUEEZE!!
That is a hug from ME!!
Like everybody else, I was so thrilled to hear from you. That old saying about two steps forward and 3 steps back is not not always true. Sometimes that 3 steps back is a GOOD THING!! I've done it myself -- I quit being a Stampin' Up hobby demo and felt the worries of world had been lifted off of me!! I'm of the opinion that when your hobby feels like work, it is time for a change.
Good luck on your remodel! I'm sure it will be wonderful! Let us hear from you on the results and how things are going with you in your self-remodel!!!
Hugs to you and all
Linda Bien
Posted by: Linda L Bien | October 05, 2009 at 12:00 PM
I am so glad you wrote Carole - as I was wondering how you've been and why you "disappeared" for a while. I would come here for your art but more for your awesome writing ability and your sense of humor - and checking in on how your boys are doing! I know you have made the right decision for your family and yourself. I'm subscribed so I'll get any posts you decide to do. I'd love to see pics of your remodel as it progresses and still hear how your family is doing! Hugs to you!
Posted by: Harriet Skelly | October 05, 2009 at 01:04 PM
WOW, Carole, that remodeling looks intense but exciting! You must be eager to see the end result, i know i would! :) A healthy thing to take a step back and re-evaluate life from time to time; takes a lot of strength of character too; and making changes is never a bad thing, just means you are growing! will miss your TCP challenges but looking forward to seeing what you come up with from time to time! (I am also a SLOW stamper, so I relate to your being pulled - for me it is for fun, because I would SUCK as a "professional" :) HAPPY DAY to you!
Posted by: Carol C. | October 05, 2009 at 01:04 PM
Wow---I can tell already that is gonna be one awesome home nest! Your house looks amazing and I am so glad to see your update.
You are missed.
You are loved.
You are old. (hee...Had to!)
Posted by: Carolyn King | October 05, 2009 at 01:53 PM
i've stalked your blog and have wondered what you've been up to. i enjoy your work and find you absolutely fricken hilarious!! i'll look forward to future posts and wish you the best with the remodelling.
Posted by: sarah | October 05, 2009 at 02:41 PM
Wow, Carole... ya just never know what kinds of things other people are dealing with.
I sure hope for the best for you. I know it can't be easy to make big changes, but it sounds like this is the best for you and your family.
God bless, and please keep us updated. I sure will miss your sense of humor!
Posted by: Ree Donnelly | October 05, 2009 at 03:19 PM
Carole,
I wish you all the best in rediscovering yourself and where you belong. I really hope you will continue to post on your blog and not just crafty stuff (but I would love to see the remodel). Your sense of humor keeps me coming back for more. Have a happy day!
Posted by: Karie B | October 05, 2009 at 03:21 PM
What a beautifully written post. I completely understand. I'm only on one design team and know that most weeks I feel behind. I famous poster that hangs in the darkroom of the dental office where I used to work reads..." I'm so far behind I think I'm first." That is my motto lately. Good for you in recognizing that you can't do it all and being so unselfish as to choose the better choice. I applaud you. I also know some of how you feel. I'm so glad you found your footing and wish you so much fun in time of leisurely stamping. CHEERS!
Posted by: nikki schmaltz | October 05, 2009 at 03:28 PM
Ah Carole, I want to echo what Val said...I'm am blessed by knowing you as well. I've enjoyed working on two different teams with you! Choices are tough but choosing your family sounds right to me! I'll enjoy seeing how your house project comes along and anything you create....just for the joy of it! Blessing to you!
Posted by: Sherrie | October 05, 2009 at 04:34 PM
God Bless you Carole.... I am teared up and SO wish and pray for happiness for you and your family!!!! You got Moxie lady!
Posted by: KelliJo | October 05, 2009 at 05:06 PM
Yea!! So glad to hear from you!! I was beginning to wonder if you had fallen off the planet!! :) Glad to hear things are OK for you! I enjoy seeing your creations, no matter the reason why, and I look forward to seeing them in future!! Stamping should be JUST FOR FUN!! :) Be Happy! Cheers!
Jennik
Posted by: Jenni King | October 05, 2009 at 05:17 PM
Dear Carole, thanks for the creations and talent you shared. Wishing God's blessings on you and your family. Pop in when you have time to enjoy your stamping.
~Pam
http://stampsinc.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Pam L. | October 05, 2009 at 06:16 PM
Whew! (that's me breathing a sigh of relief) - it's good hearing rom you again. I've got you on Google Reader so I never miss a single word from my favorite pundit - YOU! I appaud you and I salute you for your recent decision. I look forward to your future leisurely posts.
Posted by: Gabriela | October 05, 2009 at 06:33 PM
I was starting to get worried as I came to your blog DAILY to find the same post from August! I almost emailed you to make sure you were ok:) Glad you are doing well- making decisions is very tough, gotta put that trust in God! I look forward to hearing about your new adventures:)
Thanks for everything!
Posted by: Savannah O'Gwynn | October 05, 2009 at 08:45 PM
Hallo,
So glad to 'see' you again and to know you are doing well. In some ways I can really relate - many times I find myself spending too much time in my craft room (avoiding house work and job stress - after all it IS waaay cheeper than psycotherapy....) but the 'real' world was still there when I ventured out again.
My house could use a remodel too - but will have to settle for the really deep cleaning it also needs and I have been trying to work up steam to get done.....
Take Care and God Bless
Tera
P.S. Hope to still see you here from time to time!!!!!!!!
Posted by: tera | October 06, 2009 at 09:09 AM
Well, I'm just now reading this and already feeling the tremendous void this will be leaving in the stamping community. What a joy you've been to us all. I know I will sorely miss your super fun approach to our craft! Best of luck on that remodel! Hey, when you're through, there's a tiny home down in SC that needs just a bit of upfitting! I wish you the best of luck and happy times!!
Posted by: Broni | October 06, 2009 at 11:46 AM
Damask! There's already a big hole in the stamping world... You have been and will be missed terribly. Thanks for having my back and being my friend -- it means more than you'll ever know. I'm quite sure I wouldn't be where I am without you. Big big hugs!!! :)
Posted by: Christina Fischer | October 06, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Carole, your post is so interesting to me, as I am finding a lot of my friends and me in the same position. I have recently let go of several things, and some DT commitments as well. It is a relief to have some lightening of the "load" and more family time, isn't it? Your remodel looks wonderful -- your house, even in remodel state, looks beautiful and I look forward to seeing the final pics.
Kudos to you!!
Posted by: Judy Rozema | October 07, 2009 at 03:37 PM
kudos to you for making these important changes in your life! your house looks like it will be wonderful, do share before/after photos when you're done, k? I am glad you're still going to be around, I love your wit & candid nature! oh and your design style, you are a wicked stamper (in a good way!) ha
Posted by: Donna Baker | October 07, 2009 at 09:54 PM
I've always enjoyed your blog (both your designs and your comments)and will continue to check in on what you're up to. I hope the changes you're making are just what you need! Best wishes to you!
Posted by: moster | October 07, 2009 at 10:20 PM
Wow - you know this overload is happening to more and more stampers! I've been hearing it in several places - as well as feeling it in my own life (looking at my slightly dusty home!) it is a very addictive art - it's great that you were able to take stock and put it all in proper perspective!
Posted by: Julia Aston | October 08, 2009 at 09:54 AM
I am in tears right now, Carole. On one hand, I think you are so spot on to do what you are doing. I feel the same way, but a just not quite ready to give up. I feel it coming, though.
On the other hand, I am grieving a little for what the stamping world is losing. You are such a special soul. Not only are your projects fabulous and inspiring, but you bring such heart to the industry as well.
Bless you, friend. Bless your family. And you may be absent from the scene for awhile, but you will NEVER be forgotten!
Hugs!
Holly
Posted by: Holly aka Toy | October 08, 2009 at 10:07 AM
Stamping is the best when it can be for personal fun and not on a deadline. Congrats to you on finding your joy again in being the most important person to your family as wife and mom. You are an amazing, talented artist whether you "work" or not.
Posted by: Patty J | October 09, 2009 at 08:57 AM
Oh, Carole... I am glad you posted this... I missed you and was worried about you. You are my inspiration and I like reading your blog.
I understand and respect your decision, and I feel this way very often too... I hope that everything will be all right in the future and I can imagine how excited you are about remodeling your house!
I will be still checking your blog because you are not only a wonderful stamper but a wonderful person too!
Sending you my hugs,
Elena
Posted by: Elena | October 12, 2009 at 01:25 PM
I can so relate to what you are saying. It is difficult to balance both worlds. I used to stress out if I didn't have something to post.....like seriously?! I have taken a step back and have been making my family a priority. In 50 years, I will probably remember the fun things I did with my two kids and sweet hubby.....not the latest card I made, or how many comments I got. KWIM? I respect you so much! From one "special" mom to another!
Posted by: Michele | October 13, 2009 at 10:25 PM
I've missed seeing you on all my favorite places. You could always crack me up. It's sad for me to see you move away but I understand that it's good for you. I hope to run into you again somewhere, sometime down the line.
May blessings shower upon you.
Posted by: Chris veneruso | October 17, 2009 at 09:42 AM
Wishing you the very, very best!!
Posted by: Carole | October 17, 2009 at 06:17 PM
Did you drop out of cooking school too? I was looking forward to some new recipies! Have fun!
Posted by: lindaH | October 18, 2009 at 08:34 PM
Carole, i wish you the very VERY best. hugs, enjoy that home and all he people in it! have a wonderful day!
Posted by: Melanie Muenchinger | October 20, 2009 at 07:52 AM
Blessings!! I know this is a difficult decision for you, but God will reward you for putting your family first and for recognizing where your focus needs to be!!!
I pray blessings will shower you and you family!!!
Hugs- LORi
Posted by: LORI BOYD | October 22, 2009 at 09:58 PM
I hear what you're saying, sister! I, too, have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately and have decided that stamping needs to take a back burner to more important issues.
Keep doing what's right for you - and may God bless you and your family!! :)
Posted by: Karen Sullivan | October 24, 2009 at 08:04 PM